What if you feel affection for multiple people?
That’s a tricky predicament to be in. You might be feeling conflicted about which one to
pick, especially if one of them is currently your partner.
We’ll go over strategies to decide what to do next, but the choice is ultimately up to you.Process your feelingsYou must first assess your true feelings for these two persons. If you believe you are in love with someone, you must determine how it is manifesting.Ask yourself honestly: is it love in both cases or is one of them lust?If one of the two persons is your partner, it’s possible that you’ve grown accustomed to them to the point where you believe you still love them.
Feelings can appear for a variety of reasons and are difficult to understand. They are sometimes accurate and reflective of your truth. Sometimes they are not reflective, yet they nevertheless provide us with some pertinent information.
If you are in love with two individuals, you might be attempting to make up for what is missing in one with the idea of the other person.
For instance, your spouse might be wonderful but may not be very tuned in to sex with you. Your mind is tricking you into believing that you are in love with the attractive coworker who would definitely have sex with you while, in reality, all you want is to have sex.
On the other hand, you might believe you have genuine affection for a friend who can and does provide you with the emotional support you need if your spouse is unable to do so.
It might be difficult to distinguish between what is genuine and when we are simply focusing on the notion or concept of someone else or a different relationship. Projecting is a fairly common occurrence.
You might truly enjoy the thought of stability, and if your feelings for one individual are somewhat erratic at times, you may seek out that characteristic elsewhere or fantasize about finding someone who can provide you with that stability.
Read Also: Relational Ambivalence & Radical Acceptance
The more problematic your relationship becomes, the more you yearn for someone to provide you the missing pieces, and convince yourself that you have feelings for that person.
Of course, it’s possible that you have true love for both of them, but what type of love is it?
Distinguish what type of love you have
We have different kinds of love for friends, or family, or romantic partners.
Every romantic connection we have will be unique, and as a result, so will how we feel and behave. When we’re around particular people, we could exhibit distinct traits, which can bring out different aspects of our personalities.
Every relationship changes with time, and the kind of love you had for your spouse five years ago probably wasn’t the same as the kind of love you feel for them today.
If you believe you are in love with two people at once, you must determine what kind of love you have for each of them before deciding what to do.
1) If you have been with someone for a while, you will likely experience familiar love.
You two are familiar with one another, it’s comfortable. Likely there is trust and friendship because you’ve seen each other at your best and worst moments. However, there may be monotony and disinterest as well as there is not much novelty to experience. In this kind of relationship, individuals may begin to wonder what they are missing, or feel that their continued union is solely the result of their shared past.
2) The honeymoon stage is a common term used to describe the typical romantic love period, when your relationship is still new and fresh. You are enjoying yourselves, things feel great and thrilling, and you are optimistic about the future. You and your partner are having plenty of sex, cuddling, romantic date nights. Plans are in place for the future, but there is no rush and you are just enjoying being with each other.
3) Sexual love can be perplexing. You can feel this for someone outside your primary relationship and it can lead to a confusing experience of feelings for multiple people at once.
As it sounds, sexual love is a form of lust that primarily emphasizes sexual attraction and compatibility.
When this form of love is absent from our relationship, we often yearn for it with someone other than our partner.
It could be that we haven’t had sex with our spouse in a while or that we’re no longer attracted to them sexually. Therefore, we are drawn to that energy with another person and transfer our feelings of love to them.
4) One of the most prevalent varieties of love is idealistic love. This is when you fall in love with the idea or image of someone rather than their actuality. When you feel unfulfilled in your relationship, this can occur.
We frequently associate traits and ideals with people based on scant knowledge of their true nature. Without knowing their true personality, we might think that someone is kind, amusing, and engaging, just because they are good looking. This makes us fall in love with the image of them we have created in our mind, more than the actual person.
Think about compatibility
Consider who you get along with, and how things can actually pan out practically. Consider your ideal partner and the type of relationship you wish to have.
Perhaps you don’t see yourself in a long-term relationship with your current partner because your beliefs and ambitions are dissimilar, whereas the other person may be more compatible due to aligned beliefs and values.
Alternatively, you can come to the realization that while one of the individuals you’re in love with is really attractive and exciting, they aren’t stable enough or don’t communicate effectively enough for a long-term relationship.
You’ll have to introspect, reckon with yourself, and be brutally honest with yourself.
You can be as honest and transparent with yourself as necessary to help reach a conclusion. Keep in mind that neither of the persons you are in love with needs to be aware of your pros and cons list.
Match life visions
You might feel as though your only choices right now are between the two people.
Making a decision between two distinct individuals who each possess a unique set of personality qualities can be challenging.
Instead of concentrating on what these two “solutions” can provide for you, consider what it is that you genuinely want.
List everything you want in a relationship, not just from the ones that are currently available to you.
Either you realize that one person already fulfills all your requirements, or you realize that neither of them is entirely fulfilling.
When we have emotions for more than one person at once, we become preoccupied with choosing between the two that we neglect to consider we can have an option of someone entirely different. Don’t restrict yourself; maybe neither of your current contenders fulfills you entirely.
You might discover someone who is enough for you, eliminating the need for you to fill someone’s gap with someone else.
Reckon with yourself & the others
Reckon with yourself. You may not be able to be completely honest with both of them for a number of reasons, but if possible, consider it.
Telling your partner that you have feelings for someone else may be exceptionally tough. Feelings for someone else are a bit like an emotional affair. Take into account both their sentiments and approach it with sensitivity and compassion for all, including yourself.
Take your time; even though it will be simpler if you aren’t dating any of them, it will still be difficult.
It is unjust to keep both candidates hanging on a rope while you deliberate between them if you are trying to make a choice.
You are being vulnerable by telling them how you feel, which can be very unsettling. Keep in mind that you are acting in their best interest also, and if they care too, they will make an effort to respect that and allow you make your own choices.
Are you looking for an escape?
Sometimes our feelings for others are based more on how we imagine them to be, than how they are in reality.
Being in unsatisfying relationships, feeling depressed, and alone makes us vulnerable to an outside person. We look to someone else to make up the void.
If you frequently find yourself having feelings for someone who aren’t your partner, you might be trying to find an exit strategy.
You may be seeking for an excuse to end things with your partner if you frequently look elsewhere, especially in emotional (or physical) affairs.
Perhaps you want them to discover your outside interests and decide to break things off. It’s something to think about in either case.
Use self-reflection tools like this article, confiding in loved ones, and consider getting counseling for a second opinion.
Put yourself first and follow your instincts.
Still unsure about what to do about your emotions or who to select? It’s not a simple situation to be in, and if you don’t have somebody to talk to about it with, it might be even harder. An excellent method to process your ideas and anxieties is to talk to someone.
We strongly advise speaking with a relationship specialist rather than a friend or member of your family, because they have been trained to assist in predicaments similar to yours. They can listen to you and provide thoughtful counsel to enable you to identify a course of action that would be fulfilling for you.